Got the call today.

Luc is going to the Glenrose on friday in the morning sometime...
:) & :(
:) cause he is going away to get better,
:( because he is going away.
:'(
I am going to miss him.
A LOT!!
It's funny. I miss him now, because he isnt the same as he was and he isnt at home, but at least he was close.
Now he will be far far away from me.
CHRISTINE!!! Visit him every day for me!! Tell him I love him and miss him..
Remind him i wrote our # down in his book and he can call me collect whenever he needs to talk to me..
Remind him I will get there to see him as soon as I can.
:(
:)
I know he is going to get better.
:)
(thinking positive)
:) yay positive!!
:(
This sucks having these mixed up feelings about him going away...
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy.
but,
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sad.. lol
sorry..
just rambling.. cant really think of anything else at the moment..
I will update on his progress from here..
Oh, he moved his pointer finger on his left hand today.. and he is moving his left leg well while walking, although not the right one... ( We figure its cause he can support his weight on that leg and doesnt feel comfortable lifting it up for too long as he doesnt use his left leg for support.)
Not yet anyways. :)
soon enough...
I can just imagine going to visit him in a few months and have him getting up to give me and the baby a hug. :)
Thats the picture in my head and thats how im going to keep thinking :)
ok..
im going otherwise i will pretty much say the same things over and over again..
Honestly, This is probably the most horrible thing i could imagine happening to anyone. So, during this holiday season, everyone just drive carefully, and keep an eye out for those idiots who dont.
:) take care for now.

Awww..

Luc, I think, has a very good understanding of most of whats wrong with him. I guess he told the nurse yesterday that he has to give me power of attorney, and when she asked why he said that i would be in charge and could take care of the baby that way.. :)
She asked him why he thought he should do that.. He told her " my brain is wishy washy". :(
My poor, dear hubby. :(
He is thinking of me and the baby.
And today, when i went to see him, with our friend Rae anne, he was kinda down.
She asked him what he wanted for xmas, he said " to get better"
We both were kinda not sure what to say to that, so she asked him if there was anything else he might want.. He said he wanted to see me and the baby. So thats when i told him that there was a new sonic youth cd out(came out just around Karma's birth) and he finally said he might like that for xmas.. other than that i think he just doesnt want to be alone for xmas.
I dont blame him
:(
I had to run out for a few mins after that.. told him i would come back later. He asked me to promise.. so of course i did.
When i came back (about an hour later) I went to find him in his room.. He was in there with one of the nurses.. I guess she was trying to cheer him up. He hadnt eaten lunch, and didnt seem too interested in doing so.
He told her he was sad cause i didnt stay to visit him longer. :( thats why he didnt want to eat..
So when i showed up i made him eat and promise not to worry even if i didnt come to see him.. cause he still had to eat to get better. He agreed and had his lunch. :)
yay.. he loves me :)
i love him :)
I miss him :(
but he is getting there.. i just love how much he cares about his family :)
He talks about his mom all the time, he apparently talks about me and Karma alot when we arent there.. tells the nurses about his pretty little girl. :)
He even told the nurse he was proud of me.. :)
he wouldnt say why.. but still :)
i dont care why..

Sad.. but good..

I went to see Luc yesterday..
So, he has been starting to show emotion, mostly joy.. little bits of laughing and smiling here and there, when he is in the mood to smile.
I guess its only right that since he has started to show one emotion he should start to show more of them.
Well, I had his music playing on the dvd player i bought him, and the song " I walk the line" came on...
he said to me..
"This is gonna make me sad" and I, being not terribly with it lately, asked him what was going to make him sad..(i was looking at the baby when i asked him this)
I looked up when he said "this song" because something sounded off..
Well he was right.. the song made him sad.. he was starting to tear up.
:( That was hard to see..
so i turned the music off and gave him a hug and told him everything was ok.. that its ok to cry but he didnt need to, because his friends and family love him and he is getting better, and i told him that before he knows it he will be on his way home..
Its horrible to see him upset like that.. and to not be able to fix it and make him happy.
But, in the sceme of things, it is a very very good thing that he is starting to do that.
He needs to be able to release his emotions.
Later on, when he is able to come home and such, he can choose to hold things back if he feels he needs to, but for now this is another big step forward.
He has also started to move his left thumb for me. :)
his left leg is getting there as well.. but that left hand and arm i have been sooooo worried about.. so... YAY!! Everything, no matter how small, is a huge improvement.
I cant imagine what he is going thru inside(as he doesnt really know how to express things totally yet) and how hard it must be for him to try to move his left side and have it not work totally for him.
He is trying, and that is the main thing.
In some ways im glad he will be going to Edmonton for his rehab, and that i wont be there for it..
It would be too hard to watch i think.. knowing he is getting frustrated and tired and such.
oh well..
oh!! btw.. i have been trying to post comments on a few peoples blogs, and blogger for some reason or another wont allow it..
dont know why, just hope that they will fix this problem soon..
so, Leslie, Tammy, Lovanda, and everyone else who doesnt get a post from me for a while, I keep trying and eventually i will comment on your blogs!! :P

Got an email...

from my cousin-in-law today. One of those multiple questions things that you answer and send to people to help them get to know you better.
One of the questions was do you believe in god. Good question. I answered "not always". But still, the question has actually been on my mind all day. I dont know.. maybe its because im having an off day (missing my husband, missing our life together, missing him in our babies life, etc) but I have felt really terrible about this question all day. I dont want to offend anyone who truly believes in God, because everyone is entitled to their beliefs and I feel that it must be really nice to have undying faith in something, but if there truly is a god... why let crappy things happen to good people? Like my husbands situation. Why him? Why not the assholes who drive stupidly for the road conditions and end up hurting someone else.... and the same for those who drink and drive and hurt or kill people in accidents, but they walk away without a scratch? Why someone who just had their first little baby, had just really started something big and new in his life? Why did this happen to my baby? Why her daddy? Why does she have to suffer and not have her father around? What did she do to deserve this? I went on utube last night. Was looking at the video of Karma giggling, and decided to look at some of the other video's of babies giggling(thought it would cheer me up). Know what I saw? Lots of video's of babies laughing at their daddies. Lots with mommies too, but guess who was video taping it? Daddy.
Why would a god let this happen?
Yeah, everyone keeps saying that god will not deal you hand that you cant deal with. Im fine with that for me.. Ive held it together so far.
Im alone up here. I have to raise our child alone..
Im getting by. But why, if there is a god, did he deal this hand to my baby? Every little girl needs her daddy. The only saving grace is that, at the moment, she is too little to understand. I know she wont remember this when she gets older. But what happens if Luc never recovers enough to come home? What do i tell her when she asks why she doesnt have a daddy? And if he can come home, its gonna hurt him so much when she doesnt know him and makes strange with him. On top of trying to take care of her, i will have to still keep a watchful eye on him, to make sure he is ok and that he is really ok with her. This is a lot to deal with.
I dont really know what to think. Is there a god? isnt there? if there is one, why did he let this happen? why not some pervert who molests kids? why not the rapists? serial killers?
If there is a god, is he gonna take care of us? Are things gonna get easier? or from this point on are they gonna stay hard?
Sorry. This has been on my mind all day.
Not the most pleasant post.

Luc doing really well.

i know that this is pretty much all i post about.. but his conversation skills are greatly improved from the last time i posted. He has very appropriate responses.. he can tell a couple of jokes..
all in all things are good.. Thanks to everyone for all the support and continued prayers from all you pray-ers out there.. :)
oh.. in my links i have a new blog titled karmas photo's... thats where i will be putting everything about her :)