Awww..

Luc, I think, has a very good understanding of most of whats wrong with him. I guess he told the nurse yesterday that he has to give me power of attorney, and when she asked why he said that i would be in charge and could take care of the baby that way.. :)
She asked him why he thought he should do that.. He told her " my brain is wishy washy". :(
My poor, dear hubby. :(
He is thinking of me and the baby.
And today, when i went to see him, with our friend Rae anne, he was kinda down.
She asked him what he wanted for xmas, he said " to get better"
We both were kinda not sure what to say to that, so she asked him if there was anything else he might want.. He said he wanted to see me and the baby. So thats when i told him that there was a new sonic youth cd out(came out just around Karma's birth) and he finally said he might like that for xmas.. other than that i think he just doesnt want to be alone for xmas.
I dont blame him
:(
I had to run out for a few mins after that.. told him i would come back later. He asked me to promise.. so of course i did.
When i came back (about an hour later) I went to find him in his room.. He was in there with one of the nurses.. I guess she was trying to cheer him up. He hadnt eaten lunch, and didnt seem too interested in doing so.
He told her he was sad cause i didnt stay to visit him longer. :( thats why he didnt want to eat..
So when i showed up i made him eat and promise not to worry even if i didnt come to see him.. cause he still had to eat to get better. He agreed and had his lunch. :)
yay.. he loves me :)
i love him :)
I miss him :(
but he is getting there.. i just love how much he cares about his family :)
He talks about his mom all the time, he apparently talks about me and Karma alot when we arent there.. tells the nurses about his pretty little girl. :)
He even told the nurse he was proud of me.. :)
he wouldnt say why.. but still :)
i dont care why..

Sad.. but good..

I went to see Luc yesterday..
So, he has been starting to show emotion, mostly joy.. little bits of laughing and smiling here and there, when he is in the mood to smile.
I guess its only right that since he has started to show one emotion he should start to show more of them.
Well, I had his music playing on the dvd player i bought him, and the song " I walk the line" came on...
he said to me..
"This is gonna make me sad" and I, being not terribly with it lately, asked him what was going to make him sad..(i was looking at the baby when i asked him this)
I looked up when he said "this song" because something sounded off..
Well he was right.. the song made him sad.. he was starting to tear up.
:( That was hard to see..
so i turned the music off and gave him a hug and told him everything was ok.. that its ok to cry but he didnt need to, because his friends and family love him and he is getting better, and i told him that before he knows it he will be on his way home..
Its horrible to see him upset like that.. and to not be able to fix it and make him happy.
But, in the sceme of things, it is a very very good thing that he is starting to do that.
He needs to be able to release his emotions.
Later on, when he is able to come home and such, he can choose to hold things back if he feels he needs to, but for now this is another big step forward.
He has also started to move his left thumb for me. :)
his left leg is getting there as well.. but that left hand and arm i have been sooooo worried about.. so... YAY!! Everything, no matter how small, is a huge improvement.
I cant imagine what he is going thru inside(as he doesnt really know how to express things totally yet) and how hard it must be for him to try to move his left side and have it not work totally for him.
He is trying, and that is the main thing.
In some ways im glad he will be going to Edmonton for his rehab, and that i wont be there for it..
It would be too hard to watch i think.. knowing he is getting frustrated and tired and such.
oh well..
oh!! btw.. i have been trying to post comments on a few peoples blogs, and blogger for some reason or another wont allow it..
dont know why, just hope that they will fix this problem soon..
so, Leslie, Tammy, Lovanda, and everyone else who doesnt get a post from me for a while, I keep trying and eventually i will comment on your blogs!! :P

Got an email...

from my cousin-in-law today. One of those multiple questions things that you answer and send to people to help them get to know you better.
One of the questions was do you believe in god. Good question. I answered "not always". But still, the question has actually been on my mind all day. I dont know.. maybe its because im having an off day (missing my husband, missing our life together, missing him in our babies life, etc) but I have felt really terrible about this question all day. I dont want to offend anyone who truly believes in God, because everyone is entitled to their beliefs and I feel that it must be really nice to have undying faith in something, but if there truly is a god... why let crappy things happen to good people? Like my husbands situation. Why him? Why not the assholes who drive stupidly for the road conditions and end up hurting someone else.... and the same for those who drink and drive and hurt or kill people in accidents, but they walk away without a scratch? Why someone who just had their first little baby, had just really started something big and new in his life? Why did this happen to my baby? Why her daddy? Why does she have to suffer and not have her father around? What did she do to deserve this? I went on utube last night. Was looking at the video of Karma giggling, and decided to look at some of the other video's of babies giggling(thought it would cheer me up). Know what I saw? Lots of video's of babies laughing at their daddies. Lots with mommies too, but guess who was video taping it? Daddy.
Why would a god let this happen?
Yeah, everyone keeps saying that god will not deal you hand that you cant deal with. Im fine with that for me.. Ive held it together so far.
Im alone up here. I have to raise our child alone..
Im getting by. But why, if there is a god, did he deal this hand to my baby? Every little girl needs her daddy. The only saving grace is that, at the moment, she is too little to understand. I know she wont remember this when she gets older. But what happens if Luc never recovers enough to come home? What do i tell her when she asks why she doesnt have a daddy? And if he can come home, its gonna hurt him so much when she doesnt know him and makes strange with him. On top of trying to take care of her, i will have to still keep a watchful eye on him, to make sure he is ok and that he is really ok with her. This is a lot to deal with.
I dont really know what to think. Is there a god? isnt there? if there is one, why did he let this happen? why not some pervert who molests kids? why not the rapists? serial killers?
If there is a god, is he gonna take care of us? Are things gonna get easier? or from this point on are they gonna stay hard?
Sorry. This has been on my mind all day.
Not the most pleasant post.

Luc doing really well.

i know that this is pretty much all i post about.. but his conversation skills are greatly improved from the last time i posted. He has very appropriate responses.. he can tell a couple of jokes..
all in all things are good.. Thanks to everyone for all the support and continued prayers from all you pray-ers out there.. :)
oh.. in my links i have a new blog titled karmas photo's... thats where i will be putting everything about her :)

Luc was doing amazing last night :)

I went to see him.. We had a totally clear and mostly understandable conversation last night.. he slipped up once and threw in a few of those random words..
so i repeated to him what he had just said. then i asked him" does that make sense to you?" He looked at me and said " are you mocking me?".. I was kinda caught off guard and had to tell him no and that i just wanted him to know what he had said so he could work on his communication skills.. and that i would never mock him for trying to talk and having it come out wrong... he said oh, ok.. thanks. Then he gave me a kiss and asked why he wasnt allowed to leave.. so i asked him if he remembered his accident. he said no, what happened.. so i told him about his left orbital fracture and that he damaged most of his brain. then i told him he was in a coma for 3 weeks.. and asked him if he knew what that meant. He said yeah, my brain was asleep. yay.. he knew!!
then he asked how long ago the accident was.. i told him.. 11 weeks.. he said shit.. and then he started talking about going to rehab to get smart.. lol
As far as im concerned he is still smarter than some people without brain injury... :)
he still spells better than i do, and is still better at math.. lol

Luc is going to rehab soon

Ive been meaning to post this, but have forgotten everytime i come online. :)
was about a week or so ago that i got word that he will be leaving..
:( i will miss him... well not like i dont miss "him" everyday
hopefully around x-mas i will be able to take Karma for a visit to see her daddy.. bring him some presents.
And when i get there hopefully he will be doing somewhat better.. maybe he will be walking :)
maybe he will talk more clearly..
He tends to throw in a few random words when he speaks now.. Like ontario, underwear, aspects, respect, relative. They tend to be every other word out of his mouth.. its like he cant find the right word and ends up saying one of those words instead..
like one day he told me " my aspect hurts" so i asked what his aspect was, to point at it. he touched his nose and said " my aspect... my .. my ... my nose."
and when i ask him if he understands every word i say to him he says yes.. and when i ask if he cant always make sense when he tries to talk he said yes i cant..
I think he knows what he wants to say, but it doesnt come out the way it does in his head.
hopefully he will have improved in that area once i see him around x-mas...
till then though i go see him everyday.. trying to get him to talk normally. Giving him love and affection..
the physiotherapist told me he does much better and its easier for her to do her job when i am there with him.. but i also bribe him to take steps with kiss's :)
so i think that helps..
Oh.. the other day i went in and he was writing..
I asked him to write i love you and he did.. then i asked him to write my name.. he said no.. i asked him " please? it will make me happy, and in return i will do something to make u happy." Well.. like any normal male his age, his head is in the gutter.. cause he looked at me.. and said......
"suck my weiner".....!!!!!!!!!!!! The nurse that was standing there just about busted a gut laughing !! so did i actually..so i know my hubby is still somewhat the man he once was :)
more later... lol

first giggles

Not alot of time lately.

to be posting..
been back and forth from the hospital, visiting friends(to keep myself sane), raising my offspring, trying to keep myself together still... :)
Luc is still improving on a daily basis. He has recently started to move his left leg slightly when i ask him to do so for me.
he is also trying to open his left arm by himself.. mosly by pulling on it with his right hand. but he is still trying.
his sense of humor is kinda coming back..
His short term memory is totally gone.
can tell him the date and ten minutes later he doesnt know it.
:(
that is supposedly something that will come back(hopefully mostly) over time.
it seems like though if you tell him something for a week straight he gets it.
he knows he is in dawson creek now.. that im his wife, that we have a baby girl named Karma... etc..
for some strange reason he thinks my parents last name is my mothers maiden name though.. how he remembered the name "Tauffenbach" i will never know..
lol
anywho.. gotta run.. gotta get him some more cloths today, some plastic for the babies bedroom window(it snowed last night) and some weather stripping(my front door is drafty)
ttyal!!!

Luc is doing great :)

I went to see him again today.. :)
brought the baby :)
He knew who i was today.. im andrea maclean finally and im his wife..
Near the end of our visit I was holding Karma cause she was fussy... the nurse came in and asked luc who the baby was. He said "my daughter" then the nurse asked her name.. he told the nurse "karma"
:)
then she asked who i was, he said "Karma's mother." she asked him my name. he told her. then i asked but what am i to you, he said "my wife".. :)
he is doing friggin awesome :)
They have apparently been lifting him up and making him "walk" (kinda but not really, they hold him up) to the wheelchair when they put him in it.. easier than bringing out the lifting machine to get him into the chair :)
Only problem is right now, he thinks his friend Christine(whom he used to call his "sister"(he's an only child))is actually his sister.. he was very insistant that his sister christine came to see him in the edmonton hospital. :)
lol.. thats ok.. will remember stuff like that with time. :)
she will get a kick out of it when i tell her :)
anywho.. more later.

babble babble babble.. blah blah blah.

So, my munchkin is getting so big.. she smiles at me now.. for about 2 mins before she starts to cry.. lol
Luc is doing incredible now!! he has conversations.. he was kissing my friends hand the other day..i told him " Hey !! You're married!! No kissing other girls" to which he replied" no kissing other boys" to me :)
lol
He remembers me, but doesnt know we r married.. keeps telling me my last name is michaud.. my maiden name. but once i tell him we r married he seems to understand.. and when i ask him who i am he says " my wife."
They pulled his feeding tube out the other day, because he is eating smushy foods and drinking on his own. :)
well, you still have to feed him but he has taken the spoon away and tried a few times to feed himself.
Apparently all he has to be able to do now is have control of his bladder and bowel.. he can tell you when he is wet so it probably wont be long now till he can go to a rehab facility. :)
He will probably be transfered to the Glenrose back in Edmonton..
so far away from me, his baby, his mom, his dad.. basically everyone who loves him
but its for the best. then he will be able to eventually come home to me :)
I miss him. :(
but its getting there.
I just have to look at this as "it could have been worse" . He woke up from the vegitative state, he survived the crash... he'll make it home too.. :)

Please Vote for Karma!!

There is this cute little baby photo contest online.. I submited a photo of Karma to this site, they give prizes like photography stuff away to winners. there are also prizes for runners up.
So, please vote for my little cutie
Baby Stages Photo contest!!

Click that link, then, at the bottom of the page, enter # 125617 into the photo search box. From there just enter your email addy to vote. They will send you an email verification and then you can go back and submit you vote. :)
There are some cute babies on that site. :)
maybe gonna go see luc tonight. If i can find a sitter.
:( hard to do much with the baby...
:P

Took Karma to see Daddy today!!

It was cool.. I told him that if he smiled at Karma she might smile back at him since she has gotten pretty good at smiling. He smiled at her 3 times in an effort to get her to smile back at him.. he kept reaching out to touch her, and he tried to grab her once.. I had to take her away from him then so that he didnt break her little leg. He still grips pretty tight and doesnt let go...
but he kept on kissing her on the head when i put her close enough for him to do so. He kissed her bye today as well. He really seemed to enjoy it when the nurse helped me lean her on his shoulder.. (she held his hand away so that he wouldnt grab her and possibly hurt her..) But all in all it was a good day for him i think. He got to see his baby girl and touch her and kiss her. I'm just really happy that he made the attempt to smile at her in the hopes she would smile back. :) He hasn't smiled for me at all since one time in edmonton. :)
This made my day, I think he remembers her and wants to be able to hold her and be the good daddy to her that i keep telling him he is. The fact that he tried to smile for her was awesome!!

Update

Luc is speaking some now.. said his last name, said "love u 2" and " miss u 2". Tried to brush his teeth on his own, along with saying and doing numerous other things. :) looks promising to me.. :)

Luc is back

He got in at around 8:30 last night.. I am just hoping his mom understands that I had nothing to do with where he was being transfered too... I just got a call telling me he was coming home.. thats all. He seems to be doing considerably better from sunday even. :)
When I told him i love him he whispered that he loves me too, then when i said i miss him he told me that he missed me too. :)
He seems to have gained a little more control of his right hand, he no longer squeezes it to the point you think your fingers might break, and he reached up to me. He wasnt moving his hand from his chest area before. The nurses said that this may be hard for them, because he was always looking to me when the nurse asked him something.. like he wanted to have me ok it that he answered.. Not such a good thing.. but i think it means he recognizes me and is looking to me for support. :)
He definately seems more with it...
more later.. gonna take Karma to see him today as long as she isnt a screamy baby today..(she slept all day yesterday.. so she may be wide awake and screamy today)

Luc is being transfered today..

The U of A Hospital called me this morning to let me know that Luc is being flown out of Edmonton today and will be transfered to the Dawson Creek hospital.. so he is coming home, kinda. He will be here tonight at around 7:30 pm in the hospital.. will be able to take Karma to go see her daddy!! :)
Hopefully seeing her will help bring him out of this.. :)
Will keep everyone posted as to his progress.

What the hell else could go wrong?!!!!

Just found out my sister has a heart condition.... :(
Its called Tachycardia....
can cause heart attacks and shit...
:(
Read about it here

oh... and luc isnt going into rehab in edmonton.. he is too long term recovery for them so he is gonna be transfered to bc somewhere... not sure where yet.... more later.

For My Hubby

Going to burn this to a dvd and send it to Edmonton for Luc when he can comprehend it a little better....
Click here to watch "Remember When"

Karma is getting big!!

Here is a pic of Karma and mommy:) taken today to be brought to daddy in the hospital...
she soooooo looks like her daddy... :)

Hubby awake?!?!?!

Ok, so, talked to his nurse today, says he is awake, said his name yesterday when asked what his name was....hasnt spoken since.
responds to verbal commands, like " squeeze my hand" and stuff like that,,,
follows with his eyes,,,, can hear things..
going to edmonton weds night.. will be there actually thurs morning,,,, gonna be gone a couple days, post more when i get back... my mom is sooooo nice to take baby again while i go to hubby.... please everyone keep up the prayers, they seem to be working... :P :)
:)

Life isnt fair!!

I miss my husband.
The fact that i cant even talk to him and have him respond just about kills me.
I want him to wake up. I miss him so much. I want him here for our baby girl.
Its not fair!
And speaking of not fair, Steve Irwin (crocodile hunter) is dead now.
I feel so bad for his family.
Read all about it here.
Steve Irwin